Empathy: The therapist allows him or herself to resonate with the patient on both cognitive and emotional levels, leaning into what the client is thinking and feeling. In such a moment the person in the role of "client" may feel deeply accepted and understood. There is a momentary meeting - "being-to-being."
Unconditional positive regard/warmth: We can begin by picturing a warm smile or sincerely warm welcome. Or imagining how a warm embrace with a friend feels. Although one can identify behavioral aspects of warmth, it is really a matter of focus and feeling, as in the phrase, "my heart goes out to you." We may not approve of a given action, but nevertheless hold the person in high, unwavering regard.
Genuineness: I often will say to a client that "I am a human being who happens to be trained as a therapist." I work to stay in the present moment and allow myself to be as authentic as possible within the contract we have established - one which is focused on the healing and self-realization of the patient.
Respect - As a clinician I give focused and heart-centered attention to every aspect of a client's being. Respect has been defined as, "a feeling of deep admiration for some attribute, quality or achievement; due regard for the feelings, wishes and rights of another."
Constructive Confrontation - All of us at times harbor illusions - using denial, minimizing, justification or projection; these are just a few of the psychological defenses originally identified by Freud. It is a clinical skill to gently (and sometimes not so gently) address this with the patient when the time is right for deeper honesty.
These qualities are at the heart of human connection. The "facilitative conditions" just listed in fact are the building blocks of any positive relationship. Truthfulness, caring, authenticity and respect - along with discriminating wisdom - all go into making a relationship fulfilling and effective.
True partnership has to do with the way we relate together.
Mutuality, Power and Psychotherapy
As Fairbairn said, "The relationship existing between patient and [psychotherapist] is more important than details of technique."
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