Mutual openness, lack of manipulation, recognition of uniqueness, mutual confirmation, "turning toward," and accountability without blaming. What the I-Thou relationship is not, is "confluence" - the attempt to blur the boundaries between participants. In other words, it does not imply merging nor does it mean an absence of conflict or differences in outlook.
Through empathy, one "resonates" with the other person, "stepping into their shoes," yet also allowing space for another being's' differences - and ultimately learning to value and encourage the qualities which make that person unique. The appreciation of the differentness of the other's experience is vital. This kind of interaction allows for a relaxation of the sense of separateness; it allows for the possibility of the other's well-being becoming as important as one's own.
Mutual empathy occurs when two people relate to one another in a context of interest in the other with an intent to understand, as well as emotional availability, responsiveness and an appreciation of another being's wholeness. AA offers another facet: the phrase, "identify, don't compare."
Simply put, the I-Thou relationship allows for an authentic joining with another being. And, whatever the roles in a given formal relationship (boss, worker, etc.) we try to find a way of connecting.
In many ways contemporary society has fallen into an I-It mode - whether the issue is dating, deception or genocide.
My sense is that we have become habituated and adapted to relationships that lack the I-Thou aspect of partnership. One can even wonder if a true partnership system can come into existence today.
So - nice words: "I and Thou." But is it possible in real life?
In this light, I want to deepen our focus on the "feeling tone" or felt-sense of this dimension of human relationship.
To make this a bit more real, we can look at a unique kind of relationship - called "psychotherapy."
Psychotherapy: A Particular Kind of Relationship
Psychotherapy is a form of relationship in which the I-Thou dimension is explicit, consciously cultivated - and essentially a sine qua non of effectiveness.
I am choosing to focus on the psychotherapy relationship because it has now been studied in depth. Also, it is a relationship with which I am familiar, since it is the way I make a living.
Psychotherapy is a discipline I have practiced for over 30 years. While there are many schools of and approaches to therapy, key research has shown that there are basic elements within the therapist/client relationship which are likely to create a strong therapeutic alliance and the client/patient's eventual achievement of their goals. Psychotherapy is essentially the conscious creation of a conversation.
More than skills, the following are human qualities that an ideal therapist possesses and utilizes within the therapeutic relationship. These traits can help create a "partnership," facilitating the work to be done.
Next Page 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13
(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).
