III. Thou Shalt Not Take the Name of Lord Trump in Vain. After all, the name "Trump" belongs on buildings, by which I mean ALL buildings, great and small, commercial and residential alike. That includes humble hovels like thine. So, unless thou desireth a powerful smiting about thy head and neck, thou hadst better get to painting (in letters no less than two cubits high), the name of the Lord, thy President, upon the face of thy squalid abode. And lest thou forget'st thy duty in this regard, be it known to all who hath ears, that my recently impounded and repurposed legions of Google Earth trucks shall surveil thy neighborhood (even unto the lowliest tin and cardboard shack), so that I mayeth be certain thou hast honored me as befits my enormous power and thy microscopic insignificance.
IV. Remember the Sabbath Day, to Keep it Holy. So, that means golf, Big Macs, and Fox News for me, and unmasked, tightly packed, sweaty megachurch services for thee and thine. But despair not in thy trials; rather rejoice in thy good fortune, for thou art a soldier of the Lord (me), and thy reward is stored up for thee in my father's kingdom (a ramshackle, one bedroom apartment in Queens).
V. Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother, t hy father more than thy mother, of course, unless thy mother is independently wealthy, in which case, thou shouldst redirect thy filial duty, keeping only unto her, as expeditiously (and discretely) as possible. I beseech thee, be thou not a loser!
VI. Thou Shalt Not Kill, by which I mean, thou shouldst not assault a gun-wielding white supremacist vigilante by smiting him in the head with a skateboard, even as he moweth down thy compatriots with impunity. Thou shouldst also refrain from returning fire at a pack of heavily armed, unidentified, plain clothes police officers who wake thee from thy peaceful slumbers with a battering ram and a hail of gunfire. THOU SHOULDST BE MORE CAREFUL! On the other hand, negligent homicide of 200,000 or so nameless, nobodies is really not that big of a deal, particularly if Sir William of Barr happens to be thy personal attorney.
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