pack of heavily armed, unidentified, plain clothes police officers who wake thee from thy peaceful slumbers with a battering ram and a hail of gunfire. THOU SHOULDST BE MORE CAREFUL! On the other hand, negligent homicide of 200,000 or so nameless, nobodies is really not that big of a deal, particularly if Sir William of Barr happens to be thy personal attorney.
VII. Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery. Um" Uh" I'll be making a very important statement about that very, very soon, probably in the next few weeks. We'll just have to wait and see what happens. I think you'll all be very happy with what I have to say then. Goodbye, everybody"
VIII.
Thou Shalt Not Steal. We're talking wanton
and premeditated theft of a loaf of bread to feed thy sister and her starving
children, here. Embezzlement, mail fraud, tax evasion, blackmail, extortion, those
sorts of things, don't really warrant punishment, as they are the essential
tools of any successful businessman. Just try not to get thyself apprehended. If
thou dost, however, be comforted, for I shalt bear the burden of thy legal
fees, and, if needs be, grant unto thee a full pardon. For I am a merciful god
president, provided thou hast sworn and faithfully embraced thy undying fealty
unto me. My message to all others? Go "know" thyselves!).
IX. Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness Against Thy Neighbor. What we have here is a proximity issue. At home in Mar-a-Lago, I really don't have any neighbors, per se, so, technically speaking, nobody is off limits to me in the false witness department. Besides, the key to being a successful career false witness is repetition, repetition, repetition. An all-purpose tactic, it is particularly suited to the rudimentary of mind, the bereft of learning, and the stranger to ambiguity. For as I hath oft proclaimed, "I love the poorly educated." They are as children unto mine eyes, and just as fond of magic, bless their hearts.
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