2. We cleared the North American continent of millions of backward, inferior savages to pave the way for the splendor, beauty, and glory of our culture and technology.
3. We civilized millions of savages from the continent of Africa and allowed them to share our continent. We fed and clothed them in return for the work they performed. When that was not enough to satisfy them, we freed them. They did not like a man named Jim Crow, so we got rid of him. We integrated them into our schools. We even put them into token positions of power. There is virtually no end to what we have done for African Americans.
4. We have been instrumental in ensuring a Jewish homeland in the Middle East, and have provided Israel the financial wherewithal to continue in their eradication of those barbaric Palestinians.
5. We had the guts to use atomic weapons to end the war against those bellicose Japanese. Look how many lives we saved by ending the war!
6. We showed those artists and wounded soldiers at Dresden not to mess with the United States.
7. The citizens of Tokyo will not soon forget the lesson we taught them during the fire-bombing.
8. We saved over 100,000 Japanese-Americans from retribution by their fellow citizens as we placed them in protective custody during World War II.
9. We let nature take its course in New Orleans and thereby eliminated an array of problems associated with those animals living in the Lower Ninth Ward.
10. We killed over 3 million Communist-loving Vietnamese, and would have eliminated more if it hadn't been for those pacifist, reefer-smoking Hippies. Don't even get me started on Jane Fonda. I still wonder how she evaded execution for her treason.
11. We create 25% of the greenhouse gasses, providing a plethora of carbon dioxide on which plants and trees can thrive. And who wouldn't enjoy a warmer climate? Winter is a miserable time of the year anyway. Those very same people who gripe about "Global Warming" are the ones who scream the loudest when we deregulate the utilities (making money is the essence of Capitalism, by God) and cry about their gas bills being too high when it gets cold.
12. Despite having killed hundreds of thousands of Iraqis (between the Gulf War, the post-war economic sanctions, and the Iraq War), we have eliminated a rogue dictator who we now believe was preparing to acquire weapons of mass destruction. We have also taken the fight to the Terrorists on their own turf. If we weren't fighting them in the Middle East, we would be waging war against them in Pittsburgh or Cleveland or God only knows! Excuse me a moment; I just got a case of the shivers"
13. As the wealthiest nation in the world, we have the intestinal fortitude to allow a significant number of our citizens to suffer homelessness, poverty, and inadequate medical treatment so that the top 1% of our populace can live as royalty. After all, what kind of a civilized society would we be without nobility?
14. We continue cutting unnecessary programs to benefit the poor, minorities, consumers, education, and working people so we can funnel incredible sums to our military industrial complex. We are the arms dealer to the world and our weapons manufacturers make a fortune, boosting the economy. Our powerful military enables us to police the globe and keep America safe!
15. We routinely ignore international law, cutting through nettlesome rules that prevent us from "gittin' er done". America is a "can do" nation. We don't have time to trifle with petty laws and rules.
16. We put John Bolton in the UN. He will finally teach those American- hating humanitarian idealists that they can do it our way, or not do it at all.
17. To our credit, those moral abominations known as homosexuals have few, if any, protected rights in our nation. In fact, under the inspired leadership of Bush and his highly competent administration, we are moving closer to eliminating the Bill of Rights for the population as a whole. Those individual liberties just make it too unwieldy to manage the rabble of the poor and working class.
3. We civilized millions of savages from the continent of Africa and allowed them to share our continent. We fed and clothed them in return for the work they performed. When that was not enough to satisfy them, we freed them. They did not like a man named Jim Crow, so we got rid of him. We integrated them into our schools. We even put them into token positions of power. There is virtually no end to what we have done for African Americans.
4. We have been instrumental in ensuring a Jewish homeland in the Middle East, and have provided Israel the financial wherewithal to continue in their eradication of those barbaric Palestinians.
5. We had the guts to use atomic weapons to end the war against those bellicose Japanese. Look how many lives we saved by ending the war!
7. The citizens of Tokyo will not soon forget the lesson we taught them during the fire-bombing.
8. We saved over 100,000 Japanese-Americans from retribution by their fellow citizens as we placed them in protective custody during World War II.
9. We let nature take its course in New Orleans and thereby eliminated an array of problems associated with those animals living in the Lower Ninth Ward.
10. We killed over 3 million Communist-loving Vietnamese, and would have eliminated more if it hadn't been for those pacifist, reefer-smoking Hippies. Don't even get me started on Jane Fonda. I still wonder how she evaded execution for her treason.
11. We create 25% of the greenhouse gasses, providing a plethora of carbon dioxide on which plants and trees can thrive. And who wouldn't enjoy a warmer climate? Winter is a miserable time of the year anyway. Those very same people who gripe about "Global Warming" are the ones who scream the loudest when we deregulate the utilities (making money is the essence of Capitalism, by God) and cry about their gas bills being too high when it gets cold.
12. Despite having killed hundreds of thousands of Iraqis (between the Gulf War, the post-war economic sanctions, and the Iraq War), we have eliminated a rogue dictator who we now believe was preparing to acquire weapons of mass destruction. We have also taken the fight to the Terrorists on their own turf. If we weren't fighting them in the Middle East, we would be waging war against them in Pittsburgh or Cleveland or God only knows! Excuse me a moment; I just got a case of the shivers"
13. As the wealthiest nation in the world, we have the intestinal fortitude to allow a significant number of our citizens to suffer homelessness, poverty, and inadequate medical treatment so that the top 1% of our populace can live as royalty. After all, what kind of a civilized society would we be without nobility?
14. We continue cutting unnecessary programs to benefit the poor, minorities, consumers, education, and working people so we can funnel incredible sums to our military industrial complex. We are the arms dealer to the world and our weapons manufacturers make a fortune, boosting the economy. Our powerful military enables us to police the globe and keep America safe!
15. We routinely ignore international law, cutting through nettlesome rules that prevent us from "gittin' er done". America is a "can do" nation. We don't have time to trifle with petty laws and rules.
16. We put John Bolton in the UN. He will finally teach those American- hating humanitarian idealists that they can do it our way, or not do it at all.
17. To our credit, those moral abominations known as homosexuals have few, if any, protected rights in our nation. In fact, under the inspired leadership of Bush and his highly competent administration, we are moving closer to eliminating the Bill of Rights for the population as a whole. Those individual liberties just make it too unwieldy to manage the rabble of the poor and working class.
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