Eighth, Make Wage Equality Work For You
The cost of the dancing ladies and leaping lords is a real concern. The dancing ladies, using prices from the Philadanco dance company, make $608.12 per concert � ��" up 15% from 2008. The leaping lords get only $441.36 per show, same as last year, says the Pennsylvania Ballet.
Even Conservatives know that this kind of gender discrimination is downright un-American � ��" they should all be making the lower wage. After all, if you pay these people what they think they're worth you will be broke by New Year's.
What's more, the free market should set labor rates, not some effete gaggle of impudent artistes. At a minimum, you should get the ladies for the same price as the lords. This calls for negotiation. Start by offering the ladies a ceiling price, more than which you cannot afford. Then ask for an additional discount for payment in cash.
If negotiation doesn't work, you can always have some lords appear as ladies. I know what you're thinking: you don't go for any of that cross-dressing business � ��" that stuff is for deviates. But there's money on the table here and which is more important: your money or your principles?
I knew you'd see it that way. Your savings: at least $166.77 per � ���"lady� �� � per day, or nearly $2,300. If using cross-dressers, just use air quotes when you come to the � ���"ladies� �� � in this verse.
Ninth, Those Pesky Birds
You still have not done anything to cut the unit prices for the partridges, doves, geese, and swans. A little free-market shopping could probably drive those prices down, too. But you will want the highest-quality fowl (see comment #1 below) so leave the birds alone for now.
Tenth, Count Your Savings
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